Diosili!Thank you so much for bringing these voices to the forefront through your poetry! I think you have many many more poems to come about these voices, and if you choose to continue that, I'd be thrilled to read them. I think they hold an important place in this world! Take us further into your world! Thanks for a great semester!
As someone that came from an immigrant family myself, I connected a lot with your poems. understanding the sacrifices that our families and ancestors made, whether we can see them or not, is what makes us strong. I have had trouble understanding my roots at times, but your poetry betrays that you do not have that issue. You know exactly who you are and where you came from, and that is a beautiful thing. Best wishes! Stay safe.
I love that you chose this as your subject for your poetry, they turned out really amazing! I think the fact that you are so passionate about this topic is what makes your poems so wonderful, I can feel your emotion through the poetry. With that emotion comes a lot of rhetoric. You convey your feelings with a strong attitude using rhetorical questions and other sly lines. I love this aspect of your poetry because it works so well with who you have chosen to represent. They need a strong voice and you are that. Your poems were already good and they have only gotten better as the class has progressed.
Going forward, I think imagery in your poetry could really build on the emotion you are trying to build toward first generation families. Imagery can evoke just as much emotion out of your readers as rhetoric and I think it could add an extra layer to poetry. I would also say that your rhythm is good, but there are a couple lines here and there that throw it off a bit. I would recommend going back and reading the poem aloud and seeing if you can hear a break in your rhythm, if you wanted. Otherwise, really great work! All the best.
Hey, Diosili. I found your poetry, and your write-up, moving and timely. You have a very cohesive theme going on here. It also works on both personal, and more distanced, levels. I think it's touching that you've dedicated this poem to the people who helped carry you forward--the people who poured their hopes and dreams into you. At the same time, I really respect your usage of this platform to call attention to the people who really keep this country alive--people who are spurned, mistreated, taken advantage of. Especially in these times.
I think it helps that cohesiveness that all of your final poems address these topics. I think it's a very cool decision, for instance, that one poem is in Spanish; it reinforces the fact that these poems are not for us, but for "those who carry us." As far as criticism goes, I noticed a lot of rhymes and off-rhymes in the music of the poems...this, too, adds to that cohesiveness, but it doesn't occur often enough to fully convince me that was a deliberate decision. I also think you could lean more heavily into imagery: I want to see, smell, and hear, and touch these images more than I am, currently. These poems are very direct-address and I want more sense experience and indirection.
Diosili! Thank you so much for bringing these voices to the forefront through your poetry! I think you have many many more poems to come about these voices, and if you choose to continue that, I'd be thrilled to read them. I think they hold an important place in this world! Take us further into your world! Thanks for a great semester!
Dee!
As someone that came from an immigrant family myself, I connected a lot with your poems. understanding the sacrifices that our families and ancestors made, whether we can see them or not, is what makes us strong. I have had trouble understanding my roots at times, but your poetry betrays that you do not have that issue. You know exactly who you are and where you came from, and that is a beautiful thing. Best wishes! Stay safe.
Diosili
I love that you chose this as your subject for your poetry, they turned out really amazing! I think the fact that you are so passionate about this topic is what makes your poems so wonderful, I can feel your emotion through the poetry. With that emotion comes a lot of rhetoric. You convey your feelings with a strong attitude using rhetorical questions and other sly lines. I love this aspect of your poetry because it works so well with who you have chosen to represent. They need a strong voice and you are that. Your poems were already good and they have only gotten better as the class has progressed.
Going forward, I think imagery in your poetry could really build on the emotion you are trying to build toward first generation families. Imagery can evoke just as much emotion out of your readers as rhetoric and I think it could add an extra layer to poetry. I would also say that your rhythm is good, but there are a couple lines here and there that throw it off a bit. I would recommend going back and reading the poem aloud and seeing if you can hear a break in your rhythm, if you wanted. Otherwise, really great work! All the best.
Hey, Diosili. I found your poetry, and your write-up, moving and timely. You have a very cohesive theme going on here. It also works on both personal, and more distanced, levels. I think it's touching that you've dedicated this poem to the people who helped carry you forward--the people who poured their hopes and dreams into you. At the same time, I really respect your usage of this platform to call attention to the people who really keep this country alive--people who are spurned, mistreated, taken advantage of. Especially in these times.
I think it helps that cohesiveness that all of your final poems address these topics. I think it's a very cool decision, for instance, that one poem is in Spanish; it reinforces the fact that these poems are not for us, but for "those who carry us." As far as criticism goes, I noticed a lot of rhymes and off-rhymes in the music of the poems...this, too, adds to that cohesiveness, but it doesn't occur often enough to fully convince me that was a deliberate decision. I also think you could lean more heavily into imagery: I want to see, smell, and hear, and touch these images more than I am, currently. These poems are very direct-address and I want more sense experience and indirection.