I think the power of this poem, as with so many, is in its images - the sense of desolate, corroded beauty it creates. Rusted pipe, crumbling foundation, a back country road; these words suggest entropy and disrepair. And while the poem suggests the transience of these things causes them to pale in comparison to nature, it nevertheless attaches a sort of reverent weight to them. It says, perhaps without meaning to: "This has value." Even something dying and rotten is given tenderness, carried close to the heart like a bird's egg.
The poem says it's quiet, but there's music here, too, in the rustle of dead leaves, the whisper of the wind, the gleam of a sharpened tooth. It's full of noise and color: red, yellow, orange, brown. It's rusted and dying, yet bursting with life. This is a poem in awe. And it has the wisdom not to uproot that awe or chase after it; it is content merely to sit and bask in the gentle, quiet wonder of the world.
After reading this poem aloud, I feel as though imagery is what shines through the greatest in this story. There is a stark contrast between the beauty of the metaphors and the broken down, desolate city you are comparing them to. I felt a sense of calm in reading this poem, the narrator seems to be taking in the scenery and attempting to find the beauty in its rough edges. However, the poem has a sense of indirection to it as we don't know what city this is, why its abandoned, and how it connects back to the title. However, I feel that this indirection works well here, the vagueness leaves this poem to apply to many abandoned towns and the views that come with them. Furthermore, this poem feels complete to me, you did a wonderful job of balancing the visuals. In fact, I think that you did a great job of using uncommon metaphors such as, "Yet, the outside gleams/ Like a brand new tooth", and "Color the soil like a creeping blush". They're uncommon yet I can picture exactly what you mean. There is also the white of the city contrasted with the color of the leaves and soil, it's really a gorgeous comparison.
For this poem I found that the descriptive detail are very well done. There is great visualization and I feel like the deeper meaning might be admiring its subject.
I find that it almost contradicts itself from time to time. "Are you a utopia? It's quiet" I do not know why but I felt like this poem was very strong within this poem. Maybe because everybody's version of a Utopia is different. I feel like this poem is interestingly written because although we dont understand the story clearly we can see that they are talking about someone else. Maybe? All in all, it is a calm poem. There is music that flows with the words and it does not overwhelm the reader nor do they suffocate us with details.
I enjoyed it!
I feel drawn in closer and closer with each stanza. I know there's a 20 line limit, but I want to see where else this poem would go--how much closer to the "you" it can get.
While reading this poem, I entered through the gate of the eyes. The language was so descriptive, that I could really feel the individual scenes mesh into a whole narrative. I saw the flashes of color: the orange of the rust and the whiteness of the outside "tooth". There were also a lot of still images in this poem. It felt like the speaker was describing a still life painting without any images, and the only thing that really moved was the lovers quarreling. I guess in a word, I could say that this poem is very "quiet". Even the quarrel itself is reduced to just a word, and doesn't include any shouting or screaming. Definitely isolation vibes!