Very powerful voice - feels like a rallying cry to unify behind a shared misery. Really liked the lines "Bent backs and broken spirit." Its alliteration creates this rhythm that feels continuous like both "bent backs" and "broken spirits" are one and the same. I believe it's separated A,B and C because of the shifts in tone. A sounds angry, B feels full of despair, and C feels determined. I really like this poem, I think it would be better if it ran and focused with one concept for each stanza more, like the fear of losing a wage and a broken bone is all for the same reason - the system will fail you because of money. A broken bone means you can't work - the poem should highlight that "what kind of system is that?"
Wow, really great poem and very creative! I loved the way this was structured with the A, B, and C paragraphs. It kept it neat, but it's still very original. Now to put my Hirshfield hat on, I feel like the poem channels a lot of what we talked about in the Facing the Lion chapter. The lion here obviously being capitalism. There is definitely some anger and rage in this poem, but I feel like it's being reigned in a bit, in a good way! If it was a total explosion of emotions I don't think it would be as powerful. Great job!
The structure of this poem is really interesting and original! The line "scared of a broken bone" is so powerful and I think a great use of indirection, because it doesnt explicitly mention the struggles of health insurance but its there. If you wanted to expand this poem i feel like you could go all the way to F and end with "fuck capitalism" but as far as the way it is now i think you cover a lot of ground in 20 lines. The difference of "a million" and "sixty men" is so vast, id love for you to try to put those two images up against each other
I felt a lot of strong emotions coming from the voice of the poet. The choice of words (angry, cornered, crying, misery, scared, etc.) expresses their feelings on Capitalism. They used an interesting way of organizing the poem with the letters A, B, C. Their ideas were clear to the audience and they gave good examples. Their purpose of writing the poem is to express his own frustrations with capitalism and give reasons why to the audience. The audience then learns why the poet isn’t in favor of capitalism.
Love it! Even MORE alliteration!!