Leisure, Hannah, does not agree with you by Hannah Gamble.
My house disgusted me, so I slept in a tent.
My tent disgusted me, so I slept in the grass. The grass disgusted me,
so I slept in my body, which I strung like a hammock from two ropes.
My body disgusted me, so I carved myself out of it.
My use of knives disgusted me because it was an act of violence.
My weakness disgusted me because “Hannah” means “hammer.”
The meaning of my name disgusted me because I’d rather be known
as beautiful. My vanity disgusted me because I am a scholar.
My scholarship disgusted me because knowledge is empty.
My emptiness disgusted me because I wanted to be whole.
My wholeness would have disgusted me because to be whole
is to be smug. Still, I tried to understand wholeness
as the inclusiveness of all activities: I walked out into the yard,
trying to vomit and drink milk simultaneously. I tried to sleep
while smoking a cigar. I have enough regrets to crack all the plumbing.
I’m whole only in that I’ve built my person from every thought I’ve ever loved.
I chose this poem because it has really stuck with me since I first read it last year and it was the first poem that came to mind when prompted with picking one for this week. There is a subtlety to Hannah’s nature metaphors in some parts but other times it is more obvious but her words throughout are so clear and to the point. To me this poem paints a clear picture or feeling that I relate to, I’m just not sure what it is.