Hello Dee,

Honestly, I think that the amount of story you provided works very well! It reveals just enough to the reader that they can get a pretty good understanding of what is going on in your poem, without being incredibly obvious. There is someone that has wronged the speaker, perhaps incredibly harshly, and the speaker is trying to make sense of this person's actions. I think that structurally the poem is very well done, and I'm a sucker for callbacks so the ending was great!

I also felt this poem. The emotions conveyed were very clear and tangible and I thought you did a wonderful job. I also thought it was interesting how the emotions seemed to progress through the speaker, starting with denial and disbelief, anger, then finally ending up in acceptance or what appears to be acceptance.

Also, there's nothing wrong with the words you chose! Dr. Suess made a whole franchise using made up words so don't be apprehensive about using simpler language.

Disosilli,

First off, I would like to say that your rhythm is really good in this poem and I think it further builds on the tone that you are trying to convey to this person who seems to only act in their best interest. I think the title of your poem is clever as well, it gives some insight into who this poem could be directed at and adds more mystery to who this poem is speaking to. Is Cesar the name of the person we are speaking to, or someone much greater? (Not something you have to answer, just questions I am asking myself.) I was getting a strong sense of rhetoric in this poem, like I was overhearing a fight I was not a part of. But at the same time, it felt like it was addressing me when it asked "Why is that we have no remorse?"

As far as feedback for improvements, I think I would have to agree with Matt when he talks about those shorter lines like "later on", "but", "and". When I went back and read the poem without them, the rhythm seemed to flow better for me. I have no issues with your word choices, in fact, I think your abstraction works well here. I only wish that I could have more tangibility in this poem that might let me in on what went wrong with the "you" in this poem.

Howdy, Diosili. I really enjoyed the voice and emotion of this poem. It's very scathing, bitter, almost like a demand for accountability. It asks, without directly asking, "Do you think there are no consequences?" I enjoyed that. I've met people who scream and belittle and manipulate and then turn around and beg forgiveness, so I thought your poem was very honest about that kind of abusive, dishonest, self-interested cycle.

As far as critique, I think the story is clear, and the words you've chosen aren't too simple. Simple is good! It's concise and to-the-point. My main issue with this poem is one of organization. "But." "And." "Later on." "Because." I feel a little like I'm tripping over these shorter lines. They're more inconsequential words, but because they have their own lines, they're given a lot of weight that I'm not sure they deserve. I would edit things a bit so that the words that need to hit hardest are the ones afforded that weight and emphasis. Not even by being given their own lines, necessarily, but these linking words certainly don't need their own lines.