Listen to the poem here.
Trace the green wax backward
From the finish line to the start,
This is not a drill,
Paper labyrinths were preparation
For women who accepted apologies instead of actions,
Then followed the boy down the rabbit hole too far,
Now she fills sixty cent cardboard
With priceless dreams,
And finds herself stuck
In the middle of the maze,
Praying for protection from prince charming,
But there is only herself to blame
For not understanding that
“Men only want one thing”
Her father said
“Stop playing games”
Knuckles meet her skull, no bruises
Physically, anyway
The only sense he has knocked into her
Is to see the ending before she ever starts a beginning.
As far as feedback, I am not looking for anything in particular, I am still relatively new to poetry and I have seen it take many forms. Please tell me anything you would love to see more of or less, and any other advice you think could make this poem better. Thank you in advance.
Hello Taylor,
Great job! Lots of stuff to talk about here. There is a lot of emotion, of course, and that is where I entered the poem mostly through. I got this feeling of confusion, in a good way, like I was wandering through someone's stream of consciousness as they were recollecting some not so fond memories. Lots of introspection here as well that I really enjoyed.
Listening to the poem, I got more of the rhythm, and it read like someone rushing to make sense of something, only to slow down a little at the end and focus on a bigger picture.
Hey, Taylor. I think I entered your poem most strongly through the gates of emotion and story, so I'd like to speak a little about those. You've created something kind of contradictory - marrying the mysticism of a fairy tale with the quiet desperation of a modern scenario of abuse. Even the name "Paper Labyrinths" is filled with a mythic importance that I can't quite place my finger on (which I enjoy). I enjoy the contrast, and I think that parallel is interesting, considering how the content of so many fairy tales is toxic to women. Your poem made me feel both quiet hope and a kind of bleak fatalism, particularly in its closing lines.
As far as what I'd like to see more of from this poem, I think it's a bit too open with its story. I'd love to see a revision that's a bit more indirect, that makes me work a little harder. I want to have to fumble through the mist a little bit with this one.
I think that you have great detail within your poem. You also do very well in understanding the story. I think If you ever make longer poems you could keep this pattern up. I think you did really well.