I can definitely hear the music in this poem. I feel like it has dancing words that make the poem flow and make it almost "airy," as I read it. You utilize amazing words that send us in so many directions but directions we are familiar with. As for cutting down, I don't think anything needs to be cut down. I feel like your story is there and the way you describe everything was enough. It would not even hurt to go longer. Thank you for sharing this great story with us!

I'm taken on a crazy journey and I love it! "pansies, hyacinth, tulips, cosmos" what's cosmos doing there? Who cares? I'm into it. I love the identity building and dresses stanza. That's where a lot of the magic in this poem is happening for me. Opening words are important, too. I think many of your ands, and thes, and I's can be eliminated altogether with the use of some commas.

I’ve worn more dresses here

than outside,

flew in and dyed my hair blonde,

blushed my cheeks peach-pink,

labored what name to sign my passport,

taught myself to sew from my head.

Knit blouses and skirts from alpaca wool

sprayed by sea-foam.

You've got a lot of coordination going on. You might think about using some subordination. Where does one phrase fit "under" another instead of just right next to it. Remember, too, that each line, in a way is it's own poem--carries it's own weight.

"Flew in and dyed my hair blonde" is a poem for me. "I’ll tell you this: wish here" works for me too. I think some rearranging can make for more solid lines like these. I might try something like

I shook the leaves for branches and coconuts. The bark

scraped my palms. I’ve worn

more dresses here than outside, flew

in, dyed my hair blonde.

I know you already have to many comments but this poem is BEAUTIFUL also whats ur native fruit

Hi! You already have 4 comments I just really wanted to say I loved this poem before I read that it was about animal crossing (it's subtle enough to where I thought you were just describing a weird pretty alternate universe or something) and I love it even more now that I know. Also, I've been thinking the same thing about inconsequential words but your poem flows beautifully!

Matt! I love this poem! (I also know exactly what you're talking about here but I won't mention it until the end lol)

I think the strongest gate that you manifested in this poem were eyes and ears. I thought about beaches and heard lapping waves and coconut trees lining a shore. As always, your words are well chosen and well-placed. I didn't really think that any of your words were extraneous or superfluous, similar to the last poem.

I do agree with you that the weight of the words must be adequately appropriated. Words must have meaning and purpose and not just be thrown around haphazardly. However, with most things in life, everything in moderation! Try not to get too caught up in making every line of the poem punch, sometimes an ebb and flow of weight helps!

Also, I too am enjoying my time playing Animal Crossing! Friend Code?

Hi Matt,

This is a lovely poem with vibrant imagery. I was particularly interested in the line, "I've worn more dresses here than outside." It reminded me of your gender fluidity and made me pay close attention to the poem's themes. I felt each moment you were creating and saw the colors, so I entered through sight for sure. Concerning your question of inconsequential words, I agree with the others. I don't think you have to use 'strong' words to start your lines if it doesn't match your tone. The poem flows well, so your introductory words fit.

Matt,

First, I would like to say that this poem has a tranquil quality that transports me somewhere else, to Palmtree. I loved the detail of the images, "Blushed my cheeks peach-pink" and "Knit blouses and skirts from alpaca wool/ sprayed by sea-foam". The lines create this whimsical image of the narrator and their life. I think you did a really great job at keeping it indirect though, even with the imagery. It made me curious about this place and this narrator, how they got there, and even why they were concerned with their passport. For me, you told me just enough.

As far as the feedback you had asked for, I think that the difference in where you put the "inconsequential words" developed a really nice flow for me when I read it. I'm not sure there is ever a proper place, but I think that the goal is to make the poem flow to create the right tone of music that you are trying to convey. Frankly, I do not believe that you should cut any of the inconsequential words. If read without them, the poem feels too abrupt instead of soft; this soft tone works so well with the details you provide and I think it could mess with that tone if changed.

Hi Matt! I love this poem. It's really effective in its simplicity. It's personal, emotion-filled, and full of intricate descriptions. That being said, in my opinion, I don't think it really needs to be cut down anywhere. I think you would risk losing some of the personality of the poem if you did. I also didn't get the impression that you were using too many words like "and" and "I." The poem is narrated from a first person-perspective, so the I's make sense and strengthen the poem. Plus, I think you have strong words heading a lot of the lines, like "pansies," "blushed," "knit," and "sprayed." Good job!