Audio: https://soundcloud.com/teresa-beesa/rainy-days-and-seasonal-complaints
RAINY DAYS AND SEASONAL COMPLAINTS
By Teresa Stanish
I’ve always loved rainy days,
but today it’s made working much more challenging.
From balancing an umbrella to dodging disturbing puddles-
Seriously, I stared into a puddle and felt physically ill.
The squirmy white wormy things
in the muck stirred up my stomach and slowed my pace.
Usually rainy days meant-
Snuggled under covers of warmth with a cup of tea and a good movie,
but today I have to trudge up slippery Tallahassee slopes with a runny nose and stress in loads.
Seasonal depression now makes complete sense.
My tropical upbringing meant I was only adjusted to sunshine-all-the-time depression.
Now Tally’s mid-spring showers send resentment surging through my shivering veins.
I’m tired and complaining and I have so much shit to do,
but I won’t let my spring virus or the icy drops
soaking my sweater sap my dwindling energy reserves-
Because I made it to class, albeit twenty minutes late.
But I see this as a victory.
I see this as a way to take back my love for rainy days.
I was wondering how I could make the transition to the ending flow more. I ended it on a more uplifting note, but I'm wondering if it was too abrupt. I was also wondering if it's too wordy? I sometimes think my poems may have too many sentences. You may understand what I mean if you remember some of the wordier Rainbow Poptart poems. Though, I do enjoy writing them like this so I'm not sure. Any other critiques are welcome, and I'm curious to know if you entered through any specific gates.
Hello Teresa,
I thoroughly enjoyed the flow of this poem. I thought your descriptions were A+ and I loved the feeling of me as a reader being able to join you on your journey on a rainy day. A lot of your descriptions were so clear and through those descriptions, I was able to relate on a personal level to this poem. In simpler terms, it really hooked me in. I think your issue of transition can be fixed by speaking from a place of reflection or maybe contrasting rain with the sun in one stanza.
teresa,
your poem was a wonderful description of a rainy day in tallahassee. i especially loved the last stanza because it was extremely relatable; everyone has experienced a day where they would rather do nothing, but going to class on a day like this makes it a victory. you're voice was very strong and i too entered through the gate of visualization. with that being said, i think you should explore more with expanding on details within your poem instead of explicitly saying what's happening. overall great poem!
Hi Teresa!
I'm really into this contemplation in this poem. For me the part that stands out the most is
Seriously, I stared into a puddle and felt physically ill.
The squirmy white wormy things
in the muck stirred up my stomach and slowed my pace.
In this stanza you are allowing your voice to come through, but you are also stopping and using a few words that do a lot in emotion and image building--squirmy white wormy is musical and imagistic and gives us all that exact feeling you are talking about. Muck, too. But I'd agree that some of it gets a little "wordy." Instead of telling us about the sunny all the time depression, I think you could create another contemplative moment--like maybe where the speaker is crying but the sun is shining in some beautiful and imagistic way. You are doing this, again with lines like "soaking my sweater sap." I think that you can trust your reader that when they experience these details they are picking up on some of the explanation. Don't lose your voice, though. Voice + focus on details and word choice are what your poems do best--do that more :) Nice work!
Hey Teresa! Firstly, I honestly enjoy poems where the weather is reflected by the author's mood. These kind of poems really take the time to investigate the emotions provoked by weather. I also think that the line of describing the puddle making you physically ill is one of best in the poem. I like seeing your specifics and I would like to see more of this. Puddles to me are soothing and to hear it has a different effect on you - radically opposite to mine - makes me pay attention. I also think that being wordy, if that is what you like to write, shouldn't be changed. Develop it into your style. Be the best at writing wordy poems.
Teresa,
I really enjoyed how relatable this poem is. I think everyone in the class can remember a time they were less than thrilled to be walking to class in the rain. The imagery you used put me right in the moment. The poem is wordy but I think all the words fit well in it. I loved the more upbeat end to the poem, and I don't think it was abrupt. You had enough subtle mentions of a better way of looking at rain throughout the poem to make it flow easily and realistically into the end. I noticed you had a couple examples of alliteration: "soaking my sweater sap" and "dodging disturbing" and I really liked that you had just enough of it to make it noticeable but not go overboard with it. It was a very visual poem for me and it had a lot of emotion in it. Great job!!
Teresa, great poem!!!!!! I loved the line about Tallahassee slopes and runny noses, you really represented a rainy FSU day well. I don't think this is too wordy, I think the dialogue makes it feel like you are talking to a good friend and I really like that. The second stanza was my favorite. For the ending, I would love to hear more about your love for rainy days, maybe revisit the positive side.
Teresa,
As always, I love me some Rainbow Poptart poetry! I personally think that the ending was very well paced. There is a lot that is said in this poem, and I mostly entered it through a visual gate. I saw the hills and the slick sidewalks and I felt the rain splash on me, as if I were the speaker. it might be cheating because we all go to FSU and as such we all know this image, but even from the outside looking in it is a great visual poem. Great work!