Hi Sarah! Nice poem! I agree with both Christian and Mat. Because chocolate is such a recognizable food, I think this poem could benefit from some indirection. Christian made a really great point when he suggested that you maybe distort that fact that you're talking about chocolate until the very end, keeping people guessing a bit. There are lot of things to be said about chocolate, I think you could have a lot of fun with this poem!

Hi Sarah!

Just a reminder: please post what kind of questions you have about your poem or what kind of feedback you would like.

I agree with Christian. I think the "addictive" element of this poem is an opportunity for some indirection. For me, it reads rather straightforward. I wonder how you could approach a love of chocolate in a more indirect manner. I might also avoid having one word lines, like we talked about in class. Adding some images in those lines will help give each line more weight.

Hi Sarah, I really like the simplicity of the poem. I notice to repetition of the word "addictive." I want it to be written more like the voice is addictive. Instead of saying "satisfying" say "intoxicating." So continue on raving about all its features but write like there's something off with you - like no matter how much chocolate you get, you can't get enough. I'm picturing it from a POV of someone completely gone insane for chocolate. And maybe be more indirect? It'd be cool if we didn't know you're talking about chocolate until the end. This would mean changing the title to something like "Brown Liquor."