Hi everyone, here's the link to my poem. The text is included down below.
If you have any ideas as to how I can work on the rhythm (or music) of the poem, I'd love to hear them. Should I be more sarcastic? Less sarcastic? Would you rather this be a funny poem, less serious? Let me know!
QUARANTINE, SO FAR.
Emma Moody
We probably should have seen this coming earlier.
We probably should have pushed the Cheeto-in-charge to act faster,
To stop being a bigot and a racist and, for once,
To care more about us than the “Fake News” media.
To believe the medical experts—
Because last time I checked, he wasn’t a doctor.
But now I’m not even sure he’s human.
But here we are. In quarantine.
Together, but never more separate.
My graduation was cancelled. So was my sister’s.
I can’t console her though. She’s stuck in Texas.
The school offered to ship my cap and gown to my house.
I obliged.
It’ll come 2-3 months late because the factory is shut down, but once it does,
I’ll put it all on, I’ll even do my hair.
I’ll pop a bottle of champagne (if we have one), and I’ll sit on the couch.
Was it our fault too?
Should we have been louder? More adamant?
Demanded that he act?
Or maybe we were three months late.
The decision of December one-eight should have sent him packing.
Too late.
Hi Emma, firstly really like the title. It suggests that we haven't seen the worse of it. I really like the line "together, but never more separate" it creates this duality in the conflict - the good and bad. In order to improve the rhythm I suggest putting this line after "My graduation was cancelled. So was my sister’s. I can’t console her though. She’s stuck in Texas." It packs a heavier punch. And I say more sarcasm the better. Not quite sure how you'd do that though. Maybe repeat his earlier words where he claims everything is being handled well literally only a month ago.
Great poem Emma! I relate to this horror that has kept us thinking of what we could've done. It is a hopeful poem! I find that your poem is written well and you tell a great story. I hear the music in the poem. For music, you just have to use words that have the same "vibe." I just think the music is how the words in the poem are supposed to make me feel.