Hi Jessi!

I was really drawn in by the strangeness in the opening stanzas. But then it became about something much more specific. I'm still not sure exactly what that specific venue is. I'd carry the strangeness throughout the poem, or give more details about what the narrative is in the poem--push it one way or the other. If I could make a suggestion, it would be to change scenes again after the cage locks. There's not a lot happening at the second half of the poem that can't be inferred from the first half. A new scene, like the tree root scene, could help move the poem along. Though I'd keep "test for counterfeit. One scope on each knee" and maybe even use it as the final line of the poem.

Nice work!

I enjoy how this story takes to to unravel itself. There is a lot you are trying to say and I feel like you do not give us so much all at once. Additionally, I find the there is a clear story here. I can visualize the story within the poem while also picking up on the tones that are being expressed through this poem. I like that although it is a high intense energy it leads into a positive light. Almost like a light at the end of the tunnel. Thank you for sharing with us.

The sound of this poem is so cool! Its so musical and clangy to listed too. Its weird but i get like an old junkyard image when reading this poem. You've done so much world building in such a short piece, super cool!! I really like it!

Hello Jessi,

I love how this poem begins vague and paints a more vivid picture for the reader as it continues. I also love how we are able to fully comprehend the perspective of the speaker of the poem and understand that this fight or maybe fighting in generally isn't something that the speaker desires to do but something that he or she feels is necessary, the line that reads "interesting how this prevents fighting in parking lots" is what lead me to draw that conclusion. The line breaks and stanza structure are also interesting here, I am not entirely sure what to make of them? Are they so short and choppy because of the moment being enacted? Evidence of high intensity maybe?

Hey, Jessi. First off, I'm on board with anything that mentions suplexing. So you had me pretty early with that. I'd say with your poem I entered it most strongly through music and rhetoric. There's something about your word choices, and the way they're arranged, that creates a sort of off-kilter rhythm to this poem - the hard-nosed brutality of the story is reinforced structurally in these sort of blunt, staccato phrases. But that straightforwardness - as plain and terse as a swung fist - is contrasted by the indirection of the poem. It's not very forthcoming; perhaps even a bit hostile. I like that. It's appropriate. It's a poem I have to meet on its terms.

I'm don't know if I have any advice for you, here, since you seem to have a pretty cohesive vision for this poem. I think the 5th stanza is a little weaker compared to the rest in terms of voice, but that's because another voice is intruding on the poem. Since that's clearly by design, I'm unsure if it can be changed without drastically changing the poem's identity.

Hi Jessi, this poem was really cool to listen to. Your reading paired with the imagery created solid images of the opponent and adrenaline filled atmosphere. I was particularly interested in the specifics you used, such as 'rotator cuff' and 'broken knuckle'. It really created indirect action that made this poem truly unique. I'd love to see more of this thrilling imagery. Your poem was very original and really drew me in.

Hey Jessi,

I really liked this poem. I found the speaker very intriguing. Fighting seems to be a form of release for him but he also doesn't seem very excited about it, it just seems like something he feels like he has to do. I even got the sense that he was irritated with the whole ordeal and the people involved. I think I would have liked to hear more about the speaker and why he fights. I liked the vagueness of the poem and how it doesn't dwell on one moment very long. Great job!!

Hello Jessi!

I thought this poem was really great. I thought that building the tension as to what was happening was a fantastic way to grip me as a reader, and it worked very well. It's one of those things where you realize "oh yeah, it's about martial arts" and then you read over it again and you just keep nodding to yourself because it all makes sense now! There was also a lot of emotional information in the poem as well. The fact that some people are only training for themselves, for self-defense, or to get stronger. And there are also people (presumably the speaker) that train as a sport or for some form of catharsis. That came across really well, so great job!

Hi Jessi! This poem is really cool! You keep the subject vague in the beginning and let it build throughout the poem, I really appreciate that. I also see some indirection and maybe some "facing the lion" stuff going on here as it seems the narrator isn't crazy about fighting, but is there anyways and refers to it as a way that is going to make life easier if he can just get through it. I'm not sure exactly what feedback you wanted on this, and I'm really not sure what to say... This was a strong poem! Great job!