Hi Emma!

Nice work facing a difficult topic. I think you are really headed somewhere with this poem. It functions really well as a poem to a specific person. But if this poem is for a larger audience, I think they need to see more of Grace and less of the situation behind it all. The final lines give your reader a glimpse of who she actually is and not just the circumstances she finds her self under. How would you present this person to the world in a poetic way? I think you are already doing that in the final line: "head full of white curls and eyes blue as ice." I think the whole poem could be strange and wonderful imagery about this person, maybe even jumping off with this final line being the opening line. Nice work!

Emma,

First off, Grace sounds incredibly strong, as well as your friendship with her. I think it was kind of you to write this for her. I really loved the evolution throughout your poem, each line felt like a stepping stone to where you and your friend, Grace, now stand in life. I would agree your goal to achieve rhetoric definitely stands out as the way I interpret your poem the most. I got this sense that you were telling us about her because she is a rarity. After all she has gone through, she works hard and does well for herself, staying determined every step of the way. I felt this strength in your poem, as though you were using it to tell Grace, and everyone else, how you have felt watching her go through her struggles with her family and now getting her degree (working all the time). I could tell this was something you really felt you needed to share; I especially liked it when you said, "Then in 2008 your family dissolved, and I felt bad for still having mine." There was a lot of vulnerability, power, and truth in admitting that and it made me wonder if this is something you have ever shared with her.

In terms of indirection, aside from not knowing the exact reason behind her family dissolving, I felt that this poem was actually pretty direct, it laid out your friendship with her fairly clearly. I think, in order to step away from the direction you have given us, you would have to do more showing instead of telling. You tell us what jobs she works, that her father left, and so on. Try sharing how this feels or providing imagery for some of these details to achieve the indirection you're looking for. Overall, your poem is really good!

Hey Emma,

This poem was amazing. From the very start I was drawn in by the story and the somberness that it exudes. The rhyme that you incorporated at the end of certain lines worked to make the story of the poem read like a fairytale or bed time story. I think it helped to perpetuate the nostalgia and sadness of Grace's circumstance and your inability to help save her. You did a great job experimenting!

Emma, this is such a lovely poem! I really felt the musical element of this poem, especially in the last poem. I would be interested to see how the poem would change if it rhymed throughout. The shift from not rhyming to rhyming threw me off for a second. I love that you are speaking directly to Grace in this poem. She sounds like a great person. Christian made a great point when he said your poem included memory, emotion, consciousness, and clear rhetoric. Great job!!!

Hey Emma,

I loved how personal and emotional this poem was. I think the way you started by explaining the relationship your moms had and then describing you and Grace as kids and then growing into adults worked really well. It did seem unfinished but only because you haven't lived that part of the story yet. The poem itself though had a good ending that I liked. The story elements of the poem are really beautiful. I think I would have liked to see more music from this. I could tell you used some of it in the third stanza but I would have liked to either see it throughout the poem a bit more, even if it is just subtle. Great job!!

Hello Emma,

I really enjoyed this poem, and thank you so much for sharing! Something that stuck out to me was the emotional register of the poem. It really jumped out at parts, specifically some of the sadder parts, but it really was like a rollercoaster of emotion, and I thought that worked very well. It was almost as if the poem itself was emulating the emotions felt throughout the relationship. If your goal was to translate the love you feel for your friend onto paper, then you certainly succeeded! Grace seems like a wonderful person. Good job!

Hey Emma, i really liked this poem. It felt very personal and i could tell it was. There was obviously a lot of story in this and emotion and i thought you did an excellent job telling it. I thought this was an emotional, moving poem. I really liked how you titled the poem Grace and i really loved the last line, not knowing where you stand but will always have her back still. I agree with Christian i hope this is something that she sees or at least becomes aware of. Thanks for sharing!

Hey Emma, firstly wow. What really struck out to me was how the poem served a range of purposes. It captured memory, emotion, consciousness and with a clear rhetoric. I really loved how the opening stanza of history fleshing out the extent of the relationship. The second stanza then incites childhood memories. The third being like the "evidence" of the reason why you titled the poem after her. And the last stanza circling back to the two of you. The tone evolves and corresponds with the story. I think that's the biggest strength of the poem - was to allow the reader to fully reflect the narrator's thoughts and feelings while following this journey. It's endearing and I hope your friend Grace gets the chance to read it.