Bijan!

I'm loving this peach metaphor. Your word choice and music are really making it come to life. I wonder if the title "gives away" the ending a little bit too much. I love the idea of the pit being something we discard, but there's also the element of not even liking peaches at all. There's so much going on behind the scenes here, I love it. I think the use of the months is really unique, too. I wonder if you could even squeeze all 12 in there without it being obnoxious. Thanks for sharing this piece!

Hey, Bijan. Hope you're doing okay.

I was struck the most by the image and rhetoric of your poem. It's very sense-intense in places--sweet droplets of peach, changing leaves, warm fire and the brush of a lover's hand on skin. Smart move for such a sensual poem. I think there's something about sex that makes every sense, not just touch, more vivid. Otherwise, spring wouldn't be so alive with color, smell, and movement. I find your choices appropriate.

I'm interested to hear about your rhetorical choices, as well. I'm not sure why it works as well as it does, because the names of months don't create a lot of imagery by themselves, but I think they're my favorite part of your poem. They pique my curiosity. Why April, why July? I think the reason is because these words are so closely linked to seasons, and, by extension, the passage of time. Again, a very appropriate choice for a poem so thoroughly drenched in self-reflection, growth, and the senses.

Hi Bijan! I thought all the detail throughout this poem was so good! I have nothing bad or no critiques to add to this, I thought it flowed perfectly and I felt the emotion, the vivid imagery, and the sounds of nature. Great Job!!!

hi bijan! i thoroughly enjoyed your poem and i found it to be really clever! the idea of losing feelings for someone or forgetting about someone as time passes and through the metaphor of a peach was very intriguing. in terms of feedback, i think you could maybe flesh out the details a bit during the months of november and july or maybe expand on the concept of two years later. overall great poem!

Hey Bijan, Wow! Thats the first thought that ran through my mind once I finished your poem. The progression of seasons throughout is so captivating, and I love how you use such vivid imagery. It creates a very somber, drawn out tone that gives your poem a wonderful atmosphere. I'm not sure what critiques you are looking for, but similar to what Teresa said I think the second to last stanza throws the poem a bit. The ending of 'two years later' is very abrupt and feels out of place with the rest of the poem. Otherwise great job!

Hi Bijan,

I thought the somber tone of this poem was so captivating! I loved the ending especially. 'You always hated peaches' is playing on repeat in my head as I type this. My mind is buzzing over what it could mean. That's another interesting thing about this poem is the many readings it has, but it always keeps its steady tone. The passage of time portrayed through this peach metaphor and the progressing months is original and intriguing. I think the only thing I'd suggest is to say 'two years later' in a different way? Possibly through seasons or months in order to keep with the rest of the poem? But its not really even an issue so don't feel obligated. It's a beautiful poem! Awesome job!